Merry Ex-Mas

Merry Ex-Mas

Merry Ex-Mas

I’ve been pondering this post for a while now. I actually started writing it in November as I wanted to make sure it was right and not offensive in any way. I never intended it to be offensive, but you know how these things go.
When‘’Ex’s’ are involved.
So here’s the long and short of it: My Ex and I broke up on Christmas Eve 2015. It’s been a year and I haven’t dated/been in a relationship since and he has.

We broke up for several reasons:

  • The relationship, which started in Summer, became Long-Distance when I returned to University
  • We barely talked during the week. There was the occasional 1 hour Skype call on a Wednesday and the even more occasional text
  • We went from being together all the time – we worked together and spent our days off together – to barely seeing each other over weekends
  • Our relationship went from Romantic to Friendship
None of these things are terrible. We never fought. We always got on and the break-up, although heart-breaking, was amicable and even friendly.
Typically I spoke more to him over Christmas, after we broke up, then I did in the entire of the run-up to Christmas!
We probably should have got back together or tried at least once more, but neither of us did anything.
That was our problem. Neither of us had been in serious relationships before and we didn’t have a clue what we were doing. It’s a shame and had one of us been better prepared or had more understanding it might have lasted longer

Getting Over It

That’s possibly why it’s taken me so long to get over it. That and the fact that he got over it much quicker than I did. He got with a girl and plastered it all over Facebook among other status’s/comments that led to some of my friends texting me to ask if I was okay as they were ‘mildly veiled’ comments about me.
Worse than this was the sudden drop of all communication, of everything.
I’ve always been a somewhat believer that ‘exs’ can be mates, long-distance mates but mates nonetheless, particularly when the reason they broke up was because they became mates.
But no. We went from talking to each other every few days to never.  
I still had the manners to send congrats when I saw he got a new job and a Happy Birthday message. I didn’t get either. And it’s unlikely he forgot my birthday as it was the day before his. 

Since I hadn’t done anything wrong and we had previously been in love, or at least I thought we had, I would have thought courtesy or familiarity would have led to a Happy Birthday – even if it had been late.
But no.
Althoughsince I started to write this post he was in a motorbike accident. I was concerned for him and text him saying that I hoped he was okay.
The reply: ‘Who is this?’
Same phone. Same number. He had deleted me after 6 months. 

I got that message loud & clear.

Letting Relationships Define You

I’ve tried hard to not let our relationship/break-up define me, or ruin me, but 11 months on, still single and approaching the D-Day that is a year since the first major break up the feelings of regret, loneliness and being let down have re-surfaced quite strongly.
Which is why I want to get this post out of the way now! To say this is not going to be a Merry Ex-Mas, this is going to be a Merry Christmas!
And from New Year’s I want to move on properly.
I know what people will think: she should have moved on already – if anything the relationship was a Summer Romance and nothing more, but your first love stays with you and the things that didn’t happen and went wrong definitely stay longer than you anticipate! 
But also among that is the change I have seen in him since the break-up: from being the lovely guy, the sensitive, kind, complimentary man he’s turned into someone I never realised existed. It makes me wonder if he was being false to himself whilst he was with me or if he’s being false now?

Maybe it’s just perception and a change of ideas due to lack of communication, maybe he’s happier this way in which case yippee for him. 
Nonetheless in the near future I am going to move to London, I am going to live my life away from the worry that I’m going to run into my Ex in town or that he’ll pop into our old place of work whilst I’m there or he’ll bitch about me on Facebook, to his mates or our old work colleagues.
Getting over an ex is hard. Getting over an Ex who you split up with at Christmas is even harder. Particularly when, like me, you remained single since then.

Getting Over an Ex

I don’t know what the cause or aim of this post is. Which means I probably shouldn’t post it, but then again why not? I had my heartbroken at Christmas.
But it’ll mend. It’s going to be a struggle, particularly when everyone around me seems to be in love or getting married or having babies.
But being in love, or in lust, is not a competition, and I think I’m not the only one that needs to be reminded of that from time to time: *clears her throat as she scrolls through facebook*

So Merry Christmas! Spread the love, spread the cheer, whatever you need to make the season bearable or happy!
I’m going to be focusing on me this Christmas. Screw anyone who thinks I’m being selfish! I’m surrounding myself with my raucous, wonderful family, seeing my fantastic friends and new work colleagues and just generally being happy as, although Christmas Eve is going to suck, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day need not!
Merry Christmas to everyone: single, in love, in lust or in-between people!
Love Ellie x


0 comments on “Merry Ex-Mas

  1. Ellie! ❤️❤️❤️ I admire you so much for this post! You've written about everything so calmly and in such a balanced way – so many people rant and rave about their exes but this came across as so mature! I'm sorry that your ex didn't treat you in the way that you deserved, and I'm so glad that you're determined to have a better Christmas this year and put him behind you! There is someone far better out there waiting for you, I know it! Sending love!

    Abbey 🎅🏼

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