Friendships and Friendship Break-Ups | Reflections
Some people are like clouds, life is brighter when they go.
Friendship breakups are just as hard as romantic break-ups and we need to acknowledge that.
More often than not friendships have lasted a lot longer than romantic relationships when they break-up, but we ignore that because it’s supposedly easier to replace a friend than it is a loved one. And obviously, you’re not losing the sexual element of a romantic relationship from a platonic break-up.
But that doesn’t mean that breaking up with friends is easy or has no effect on us.
Friendships can last for days, weeks, months or years. Sometimes they can last decades and major anniversaries. But more often that no friendships last on average of 7 years, same as other relationships.
It is the 7-year itch. According to psychologist Rudolf Steiner our DNA changes every 7 years so effectively every 7 years we are a different person. As such, after 7 years two people may not like each other anymore because they’ve changed from when they first met for natural and inexplicable reasons.
Friendships, like any other relationships, need to be worked on to keep them working.
You can’t just leave them on the sidelines and pick them up as and when you need something. That isn’t friendship, that’s an acquaintance.
To maintain a friendship you need to be an active part of someone’s life. You need to communicate regularly, even if that’s just once every couple of months, and you need to want to share and be a part of that person’s life.
Who can say why friendships truly fall apart?
Some friendships can be strong for years and then one tiny element can split them, like an atom.
Other friendships can start well and become toxic over time. Whether this is caused by jealousy, personal life changes or emotional support to the extreme when a relationship is toxic you have to end it.
Even when a break-up is complete there is no saying that friendship, like a romantic relationship, can’t be kindled again later. But break-up’s do happen and have to be allowed to happen.
Yes, making friends is supposedly easier than finding a loved one but that doesn’t mean it is always fun to make new friends.
Sometimes it is extremely lonely and can cause a lot of anxiety. But it is also wonderful and fun.
You can find new friends that last a few days – Best Friends for Now or BBFN – like people you meet on a plane or other guests at a wedding. Sometimes it can be friends for a period of times – like work wives or husbands – and other times it can be long-term acquaintances who you will see maybe once or twice a year but want to stay a part of their lives.
Friendships come in different shapes and sizes and there is no one way to make them work.
Just know that they don’t have to last forever and some won’t either. This is natural, however horrible sometimes, and you have to let it happen.