It’s currently 4am here in night time England…so why am I awake, you kindly ask, well…my housemate is having incredibly noisy, mind-blowing, terrifying upon waking, sex.
This is not illegal, I am not about to call a cull on this natural and carnal pleasure, but I am bloody well going to let her and whatever panting man is in there know that I am in here in the most off-putting way: by playing inappropriate songs at a loud volume!
I have a put a playlist together and named it: ‘Anti-Enthusiasm’
1. U Can’t Touch This
2. Gotta Keep Your Head Up
3. Cotton Eye Joe
4. Mmm Bop
5. Baggy Trousers
6. You Can Leave Your Hat on
7. The Pirates of the Caribbean Theme Tune
8. Let It Go (Frozen)
9. Who Let the Dogs Out
10. Yellow Submarine
There are many more, I assure you, but these seems to be the winners which makes the groans of passion turn to groans of ‘I can’t keep this up’…literally – it also helps when I sing and dance along, trying hard to mask any sound of sweaty student sex possible whilst re-iterating that I AM STILL HERE!
What we have on completion of this playlist is one pissed off roommate – me – one heavily embarrassed roommate – her – and one ‘leave-in-a-taxi-as-soon-as-possible’ man.
Yippee – now, let me sleep in prep for my exams you flipping incarnation of Catholic Rabbits!